Harvest Moon: A Teenage Life
by Karen Moondrop
Summary: ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

THE PLAN AT THE BEACH 

_A/N: Hey y'all! I'm new to fanfic, in fact, this is my first story! I figured I'd start with something little, then, if I actually have any talent at all, I'll keep going with other fanfics! Please R n R, I know I'm terrible, but still, reviews would be much appreciated!_

**Warning: This fic contains sexual references, and very coarse language, don't say I didn't warn you!... oh yeah, and it has drug references, although noone really uses any apart from alchohol...**

It was a warm summer day at the beach just like about every day that Summer. However, today something was different. Karen had just gotten a part-time job as a lifesaver (although she only worked there on Sundays because of her job at the Supermarket, but she didn't really do any work there anyway). Every single young guy in town had taken a sudden liking to the beach for some reason, too. Well, everyone except Cliff, who was basking in Ann's glory, and Gray, who had a cute but psychotic crush over Mary. br br

The guys sat on the beach drooling as Karen took yet another swig from her 12'321'678th bottle of wine that day. She was wearing a rather revealing white bikini, and was stretched out flat in a beach chair, completely unaware of her little fan club. "Dude", said Kai, eyes not moving from the sunbathing beauty. "We have got to do something man". Rick shot a suspicious glare at Kai. "Hey, aren't you already going out with my sister?" he asked, glasses reflecting so much sunlight that they fried a seagull flying innocently over the ocean a kilometre away. "Not anymore" said Kai, still not looking away from the hot one. Rick gave him a cold stare (which ended up evaporating most of the ocean, thanks to his glasses) and punched him feebly in the leg, although Kai didn't actually feel it. "What are you smiling about?" Tim, the doctor, asked the new bot from the farm, Jack. This surprised the other two boys, the other two had been so silent they had forgotten they were there. "Guys", said Jack, cheesy grin bigger than ever, "I have a plan!".

Without another word, Jack stood up and started walking towards the jetty. "Hey Jack, what are you doing!" cried Kai. "We all know you're a crap swimmer from the festival, don't go out too deep!" but Jack had already started to make his way towards the very edge of the jetty. Then, still wearing that pathetic cheesy grin, he jumped off. "AAAAHHHH!" Jack screamed as he sunk towards the bottle. Seeing the idiot sinking to the bottom, Karen quickly grabbed a bottle of Heaven's gate that wasn't supposed to exist anymore, and, as she skulled it, corny music started…

"She's Karen the drunken girl, She's Karen the drunken girl,

She's cool, she's hot, she's had too much pot,

She's Karen the drunken girl!"

and with that reference to Popeye, Karen dived into the water in a drunken haze, retrieved the stupid sinker, and brought him to the beach. She immediately started doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOLLY!" screamed the pathetic Rick, who was running around in circle repetitively by this point. "FUCK, SHIT, FUCK, SHIT, FUCK!" exclaimed Kai, grasping at his purple bandanna. "Feh", said the doctor, as he stared at Karen's side-boob. Then something caught the guys' eyes. Jack's eye opened for a brief second, winked, then closed as he went "unconscious" again. "That filthy son of a bitch!" Kai said, now too entranced by Karen's side-boob. Jack opened his eye and winked again. This time he wasn't lucky. "What the fu… YOU SLIMY PIECE OF SHIT… GET BACK HERE!", screamed Karen, as Jack stood up and started bolting down the beach. "I'll get you you mothe….cking bi…" Karen's voice could now only faintly be heard over the noise of the boys laughing harder than they ever had, plus the sound of someone being punched in the distance.

_A/N: So... what did you think? Constructive critisism would be much appreciated!_


	2. Chapter 2

TRUTH OR DARE

"Ok, girls!" Karen said. All the young girls (that's everyone aged 16-18) of Mineral Town were sitting round in a circle on the floor in the flowerbeds on Mother's Hill. It was a warm summer night, so Pink Kat flowers had bloomed everywhere. Apparently, Karen seemed to think that wine made them grow better, as she had about 8000 bottles surrounding the place (she had both an abnormally large capacity for alcohol, and an extremely large rucksack.)

"So, who should start?", asked Ann. "I dunno", replied Mary in her usual quiet voice. "How about we play the kind of truth or dare where we all answer slash (well, how can she say !) do the dare that is to be done? I'll go first!" said Popuri in her predictable bubbly way. "Ok Popuri, truth or dare?", said Elli, as sensibly as always. "Um… truth!" Popuri said, then bursting into a maniacal fit of giggling.

"Ok… um, who do you like?" asked Ann. "Oh, don't ask her that, that's a shitty question!" said Karen. "Karen, you don't have to be so rude!" scolded Elli. "True. Sorry for not being truthful enough, Ann. In reality, your question was a fucking pile of dog crap which Rick (they all shudder at the mention of this super dork's name) has eaten, regurgitated, eaten again, crapped out, been eaten by a male cow, crapped out again, hence becoming bullshit…(this went on for about 2 more minutes) and then, been shitted out by Rick again", Karen finished, now struggling for breath. Everyone just stared blankly at Karen for a second. "Erm… I could think of a better one?".

"Ok, Karen, what would you ask? Oh, remember, DON'T ask anything to rude or personal", Elli warned. "Fair enough", Karen reasoned. "Ok then, hmm, lets see.. oh, I got it! Popuri, have you ever fucked anyone before?" "KAREN!" shouted everyone (apart from, of course, Karen.) "What?" she replied. "Oh, sorry. Too rude. Ok then, have you ever screwed anyone?" Everyone else just sighs, while Karen takes another swig. "Well, I guess you better answer the question", says Mary.

"…maybe" says Popuri, before practically going into a coma from giggling. "Really?" said Karen, looking up from her who-knows-how-manyith bottle of wine. "Well, we were down at the beach for the Fireworks festival, when Kai… KISSED ME!" the girl laughed so hard that she seriously could have been mistaken for a pink hyena. Karen sighed, and turned her attention back to her who-knows-how-manyith bottle of wine.

"What about you, Ann?" she asked, since they were playing the kind of truth or dare where they all answered slash (I mean/ ) did the dare that was to be done. "Well… there was this one night, where Cliff and I got a bit drunk and, well, one thing led to another…" Ann was then cut off by, you guessed it, Popuri's maniacal laughter.

"How about you, Elli?" asked Karen, who was now onto her who-knows-how-manyith+1 bottle of wine. "As you SHOULD know, Karen, respectable women do NOT lose their virginity until they're married, right, Mary?" "Absolutely!"replied Mary. "Ok, how 'bout you?" Karen turned her attention to Mary, who she realised hadn't answered yet. "Well," Mary said, "let's see, I've fucked Gray, Harris, Rick, Kai, Cliff, Jack, Tim, oh, that's the doctor to you Elli, Duke, Doug, Saibara, Basil, Ellen (at this point every single girl was staring at her in absolute shock, as they didn't know this was the name of some random tourist with weird parents), Won, Gourmet, Stu (no also not what you think. Some random tourist), Kappa, Nappy, Bold, Staid, Hoggy, Chef, and Aqua. Oh yeah, and Timid. Oh yeah, and Jeff… and about 63 more tourists besides Stu and Ellen (the other girls sighed a huge sigh of relief at this point, although they were still pretty goddess damned weirded out!).

" Well, that was totally unexpected", said Karen, who seemed to not care that one of her best friends had just said she'd screwed her dad. "What about you?" said Mary, as all of the other girls where still too shocked to say anything (yes, even Popuri wasn't laughing). "Yeah, I've screwed someone, quite a few times. Although I was underage at the time, so if you tell anyone" Karen made out various actions that involved death. "He was this boy… he was my first love… we were 13…oh well, fuck it, he never came back like he promised", she added sourly.

"Ok, guys, lets get on with this game" Ann said. "Karen, truth or dare?" A smile appeared on Karen's face, as she said "Dare".

_A/N: Ok… I'm really weird, I didn't expect it to be this vulgar… screw it, it's rated T. Anyways, should I continue, or should I put you out of your misery? You decide! RnR! _

_Oh yeah, and thanks to:_

_Young Roy: Yes, he's a genius… although he wasn't too smart in pissing Karen off. That's probably the stupedist decision anyone could make (and yes, spelling stupidest stupedist was intended as a pun)._

_Greenfrie: Thanks, I'm naturally talented (and yes that too was a joke._

_Farmergrl0319: Well, heres your next laugh! (although, I personally prefer the start) p.s, your review was what made me continue, so it's all your fault! _


	3. Chapter 3

** TRUTH OR DARE: PART 2**

A/N: Ok, this is a REALLY bad chapter, well, it has LOADS of REALLY bad swearing in it, so DO NOT read it if you don't like swearing, or your mind will end up almost as badly scarred as mine. It also includes quite a lot of perving on the boys side.

"WAAHHHHHHHHH!". Everyone turned to look at Popuri. "What's the matter?", asked Elli soothingly. "I j-jj-just sniff realised that M-m-mmary has slept with sniff K-k-k-kk-KAI! WAAAAAAH!" sobbed a rather upset Popuri. "Hey Popuri?" said Karen, in a surprisingly gentle voice. "Ww-w-what K-k-kk-karen?" sniffled Popuri. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Popuri did exactly what she was told (for once) in fear that Karen would do some of the things she was implying she'd do in Chapter 2.

"Erm…ANYWAY", said Ann, feeling rather pissed off that noone had seemed to remember that they were playing truth or dare, you know, the kind that… oh forget it. "Hey Karen, I dare you to go pash the new guy, Jack", said Mary, realising that the guys had also walked up to Mother's Hill, and had placed themselves in an extremely convenient position where they got a look right up Karen's very low cut V-neck, Elli's dress, Ann's shirt (which, by pure coincidence, was also a very low cut V-neck), both Popuri's dress and a good view of her boobs (now that sounds physically impossible, doesn't it?) and Mary's surprisingly small skirt (although it wasn't so surprising to the girls any more).

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT MOTHER-FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT EVER AGAIN!". "Geez, you would not guess that Karen was a good singer, would you?" said Kai, while ogling at Popuri's cleavage… and somehow looking up her skirt at the same time.

"She's talking about me, isn't she", said a very worried looking Jack". "Yup", said Cliff, who was looking not down Ann's shirt, as was to be expected, but at her face (he thought she looked beautiful amongst the flowers. The guys all thought he was mentally retarded for not thinking somewhere else was more beautiful, but he didn't care.)

"Damn it… I really like her, ya know?... then again, who doesn't…" Jack said sadly. "Me", replies Cliff. "C'mon, don't tell me you've never thought of…""JACK, YOU SICKO, SHE'S MY COUSIN!" Cliff interrupted, quite disgusted at the mere thought of it. "Well that would've been nice to know BEFORE I said that…"

"Fuck", said Karen, overhearing Cliff's yelling fit. "They're talking about me". "C'mon, Karen," teased Ann. "Go for it!". "…Fine! But NEVER mention this again!" Karen walked off in the direction of Jack. Seeing she was coming his way, he almost crapped himself, and tried to run, but found his legs were wobbling too much to even stand up. "Oh, shit", he whimpered, as she got closer.

She was now mere centre-metres away from his face, he closed his eyes, waiting for the big punch, when… she kissed him. Not just a little light kiss, a full on pash, that lasted for 15 seconds. Then, as they parted, she whacked him in the face. Jack just lay there in a confused heap, wondering what the hell was going on. Karen simply turned around, walked a few steps, then turned around again and said "Oh, and Jack? You're a terrible kisser". After she was about half-way back to her group, the guys (discluding Jack obviously) burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

_A/N: I'm actually enjoying writing this crap, so I'm doing a chapter a day now! That is, if you guys are still reading this…_

_ThAnK yOu To:_

_Tikzch: Thanks, I will (keep writing this) oh and, btw, Mary is the one who's screwed so many people 0.o (I know it's totally OOC, but, whatev  )_

_Farmergrl0319: Thankyou for continuing to read my story. If I'm still getting reviews, I'll still write! And I'm also glad my sick and twisted mind can bring laughter._

_ThAnK yOu OnCe AgAiN!_


	4. Chapter 4

**TRUTH OR DARE: PART 3**

_A/N: Welcome back to the rudest T rates comedy on this site!... that I know of… once again, DO NOT READ THIS CRAP IF YOU FIND SWEARING MORALLY WRONG! Oh yeah, and, sorry guys, the truth or dare will be over soon, don't worry! (although it may not necessarily be over for the guys heh heh heh…) enjoy! (I wish, but what the hell…)_

"Ok, well, I had to kiss that piece of shit, it's your go, Mary!" said Karen, looking extremely pissed off. " Hey, why do you hate him so much?" Elli asked. "It's not like he's done anything wrong…" "IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S DONE ANYTHING WRONG? YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T HEARD OF A LITTLE INCIDENT THAT OCCURRED AT THE BEACH A FEW DAYS AGO! THAT PERVERTED BASTARD PRETENDED HE WAS DYING, IN ORDER TO…" "Ok, ok, sorry I asked, geez…" Elli decided she would avoid talking about Jack ever again if she wanted to survive the night.

"ANYWAY!" said Ann, who was so pissed off about their game being delayed for another few seconds it wasn't funny. "Mary, who do you choose to pash?""…hmmm, Gray's pretty hot, but then again the doctor WAS good in bed…" at this point Elli threw a malicious glare at Mary. "Ok, ok, Gray it is, sheesh…" Mary got up from her spot and walked towards the boys.

Thinking that she had been sent by Karen, Jack shrieked like a girl and hid behind Kai. Mary just gave him a weird look (and Kai was pretty damn disturbed too), and just continued to walk in Gray's direction.

By now, Gray was blushing like mad, at the mere thought that Mary might perhaps come within 2 feet of him, when she pashed him. This was just as full on as Karen's kiss, except she was practically making out with him. She then parted and walked back to the group. Gray had fainted, his face literally completely red.

After Mary's turn was Ann's turn, who gave Cliff a passionate but K+ rated kiss, then followed by Elli, who gave the doctor a tiny peck, then ran back to the group as red as a beetroot. The doctor was pretty disappointed at the lack of action, but still thought Elli was pretty hot anyway.

Then came Popuri's turn. She, obviously, chose Kai (much to the disappointment of Rick, who was already cranky that he hadn't been chosen by anyone). She had a serios look on her face. She bent in closer, about to give him a big, long, pash, when…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" well, don't say you didn't see it coming. She was laughing so hard you couldn't actually tell she was human. After a few minutes, Kai got fed up, and pashed her himself. They pretty much were making out, between little fits of giggles on Popuri's side. "Why didn't I think of that?" mumbled the doctor, even more disappointed seeing he'd lost a golden opportunity.

When Popuri got back to the group (laughing insanely as always), the girls (meaning Karen) had decided they'd had enough and went to the pub for a good old Aussie beer (she's always looked a little Australian like me, so, yeah...)

Ann followed, seeing as her shift at the Inn start 8 hours ago, and Mary also, as she was looking for a one-night stand. Elli, on the other hand, went home to cook dinner, while Popuri decided to hang around with Kai…

_A/N: So there you have it! I just want to say, any Mary fans out there, do not worry, Mary's slutty behaviour will NOT continue throughout this whole story. There's a little story line behind it…_

_ThAAAnKsss ToOOO:_

_Famergrl0319: Thanks so much for sticking with this…er… interesting story. Because you've reviewed all my chapters, tell me in you next review who your fave character is, and I'll try to work them in… thanks once again for your loyalty!_

_I MIGHT write another chapter today, IF I get more reviews…_

_Seeya next chapter!_


	5. Chapter 5

**DOWN THE LOCAL…**

_A/N: Hey freaks! realises there's no one in room but self erm… how goes it? You may have noticed that this chapter took forever to put up, SORRY! I saved it halfway through making it… and surprise, surprise, it didn't save properly! Sorry bout that! This chapter mainly revolves around Cliff and Popuri, thanks for the idea… _

_Farmergrl 0319 (…Anna?) If anyone has an idea, please, put it in the reviews, and I'll try to fit it in somewhere!_

Popuri entered the Inn crying. Everyone would have been extremely surprised to see this, as she was usually, well, in uncontrollable fits of laughter. Even more strangely, no one noticed her coming in (note the would have in the 1st sentence) because instead of sobbing out loud and crying the way she laughs, Popuri only sobbed softly and walked quietly to the bar.

No one noticed her; Mary was busy chatting up Basil (for the 6th time that week), Karen was busy in a sculling competition with Rick (whom had already blacked out 8 times), Ann was busy serving drinks and being annoyed at "Cliffie-wiffie" for leaving a speck of dust on her nice clean floors (this got Cliff severly depressed), and everyone else was just too drunk to note her existence.

Popuri just sat at the bar glumly next to Cliff. She took a sip of her beer, but, since she was new to alcohol, spat it right back onto Cliff.

"Oh my goddess, I'm so sorry!" she said, but, unfortunately for Cliff, this story defies all logical sense, meaning about half a bottle was spit out onto his face and chest (even though she'd just taken a tiny sip).

"Sorry!" she said again, this time spitting about 26 litres (that's about 104 times the amount the average mouth can hold) all over a less convenient spot on his pants.

She was about to say sorry again, when Cliff screamed "Oh, please goddess, do NOT say sorry until you've swallowed whatever's still in your mouth!"

She swallowed the tiny drop that was left in her mouth (it pissed Cliff off immensely when he realised that the story started making logical sense again AFTER the previous segment of the story) and was immediately drunk.

Hhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllooooooooooo, Cllliiiiiiiiiffieeeeee hhhhhhoooooonnnnnn, hooooooooowwwwwwwwww aaaarrrrrreeeeeeeee yoooooooouuuuuuuu dooooooooooooooiiinnn'?". "Oh crap, your drunk, aren't you?" he said unhappily. " A hic liiiiiiiiittllllleee hic", she slurred, before giggling quite loudly (which for her meant a sonic boom).

"Well, that just isn't fair! I'm always the one who's left out! Doug, give me 7 shots!" "You're the boss!" said Doug happily, knowing that now he could rob Cliff of all he had (even if it wasn't much) while he was in a drunken slumber.

While he waited for his drinks, Cliff remembered that now everything he was wearing was soaked with beer and Popuri's spit. He took off his shirt in an effort to not smell rummy (yes, I know he's soaked in beer, but still!)

Popuri also seemed to notice this "Heeeeeyyyy, Cliiiiiiiiiffiiiiiiiiiiiieee, yooooouuuuuuurrrr ssooooaaked toooooooo the booooooone, maaaan! Lleeeeeett meeeeeeee cllleeeeeeaaan thhhaaat uup fooooooorrrr yooooooouuu!

Popuri took off her corset (meaning all she was wearing on top was her conveniently revealing lingerie that Kai bought her) and started mopping his face, his chest, and then his pants… "Popuri?" Cliff squeaked. "Erm, Popuri, I think I'm dry enough now!" she stopped wacking her corset (extremely hard) on Cliff's pants, and started to sob.

"Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy, whyyyyyy wereeeee yyyyyyyooouuuuuuuu uuuuuuupppsssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttt bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb'ffffffooooooooorrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee?" Cliff said, now just as drunk as Popuri after drinking all the shots in one go(strange how people's alcohol consumption levels vary so much, isn't it?).

"Oohhhhhhhhh, Kkkaaaaiiiiiiiii saaaaaiiiiidddd Iiii waas toooooo baaaaaaabyiiiish wheeeen heee fooooouuuuuund ouuuuuuut Iiiii diiiidn't knoooooow wherrrrrre baabiessss caaaaaammmmeee froooooooommmm, thhheeeeeeennnnnn heeeeeeeee… DUUUUUUUMPPPPEEED MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEE! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" she cried. Cliff patted her shoulder and tried to console her.

(later)

Ann walked up to Cliff's bedroom, feeling sorry that she'd been in a bad mood before. She opened Cliff's door. And she screamed. Although they were still MOSTLY properly dressed (although Popuri had left her corset down stairs, and Doug was using it to wipe the tables with) she found them making out on his bed.

"Hhheeeeeey, baaaaaby, doooo you knooooww wheeeere babies cooooooomeeee frooooooooom? Coooooos Iii caaaaan shoooooow youuuuuuu tooooo…" was Cliff's drunken response to the look on Ann's face.

"YOU DRUNKEN SLUT!" Ann said, grabbing Popuri and literally throwing her down the stairs. "And you… get out of this Inn NOW!" she yelled at Cliff, who, sobering up just enough to know what was happening, staggered slowly out the door.

Ann sat down on the bed and cried softly. She knew that they hadn't exactly done more than kiss, but how was that even relevant? They'd broken her heart, and that was all that counted. But then she realised… they were never going out in the first place. Well, not officially. They had "done stuff together", but they hadn't actually dated each other. And they were drunk at the time… what if she'd just been imagining it? What if Cliff had liked Popuri all along? What if all this time she'd spent thinking they were together, they were just… friends?

Ann didn't sleep that night. She just cried softly on her bed until dawn broke.

_A/N: Well, the ending was kinda sad, I guess. Now for the…_

_T_ha_n_**k y_o_**_us_:

_Tikzch: Well, thanks a lot! You really are mean you know! Now, when you hit your head on the ground, I'm gonna get blamed for your murder… wait a minute, this could be good for my reputation… on second thoughts, thank you very, very much! (I was kidding, I bet you couldn't tell…) Oh yeah, and when I said that Mary's slutty behaviour would stop, what I MEANT was that it would merely be explained… heh,heh,heh…_

_PacificTwist: Thank you very much, another review is another reason to live for (as you've probably guessed, I don't have a particularly extreme, radical life…)_

_Greenfrie: Yup, that line was pretty entertaining, and I DO say so myself! (that wasn't even funny… wait a minute, that wasn't supposed to be funny anyway! Oh well…)_

_FarmerGrl0319: Ah yes, Anna (I think that's your name, I know because I've got psychic powers, wOOOOOOOO!) Thanks for the inspiration for this chapter! I love you for it (well not really… you know what I mean… I hope…)_

_Now, I better stop this A/N before there's more of it than there is actual story! Until tomorrow… I bid you adu (I have no fucking idea of how it's spelled… ah, I've effed at least once in this fanfic now. I feel at peace!)_


	6. Chapter 6

** DOWN THE LOCAL: MEANWHILE…**

_A/N: Well, sorry for lying. This isn't so much tomorrow as today… I just confused myself immensely. Anyway, enjoy!_

Popuri entered the bar. Although no one noticed her, because, well, you know the reasons. Karen was thrashing Rick's sorry arse in a sculling comp. "Chug, chug, chug, chug, WOOOOOOOOOOOO!". Rick had blacked out for the tenth time, and this time he wasn't sitting up again. Karen looked proud of her work (although Rick just plain didn't look at anything).

This was around the time that Jack made the biggest mistake of his life. He entered the Inn. Karen whirled around. To Jack it was in slow motion. Her sun kissed hair twirled around and framed her face perfectly. She was truly a thing of beauty. This didn't seem to mean that drooling all over the floor was an exception to Doug.

After mopping up loads of drool, most of which was mixed with beer (Popuri had for some reason been spilling litres of the stuff everywhere) he continued to walk over to Karen. He was about to open his mouth to talk, when she talked for him. "What the fuck do you want, bitch?" She asked him coldly. He couldn't say he was surprised.

"Umm, actually, I just wanted to apoligise…" "For what?" she said, asking an obviously rhetorical question. Jack was about to reply, when she started to speak again. "For being a perverted freak? For trying to get me to make out with you? For being an immoral piece of shit? FOR USING A CHEAP TRICK TO TRY TO FEEL ME UP A LITTLE? FOR…" "ok, ok, calm down, please!" said a worried looking Jack. Everyone in the room was now staring weirdly at them.

Karen looked like she was about to hit him again. But then she did something totally unexpected. She calmed down. "Ok, fine." Jack stared at her, honestly not believing a word she was saying. "Jack, do ya really want me to forgive you?" she asked. She had a devilish look in her beautiful green eyes. "Y-y-yes" Jack stammered, not quite getting if she was faking or not. "Ok then. Fine I will… on one condition." This was what Jack was dreading.

"What?", he asked nervously, now taking a few steps back. "If you beat me in a drinking competition, I'll forgive you. But if you don't, I get to take my revenge". Everyone gasped. They knew that she had just taken part in a drinking contest already, but, knowing Karen's capacity for alcohol, Jack was in deep shit. "Ok", Jack said. It was only when he saw Rick's past out body that he realised something he would have liked to know before he agreed to this. He was fucked.

In a mere 10 minutes, Jack was out like a light bulb that had been screwed on by a man (sorry guys, couldn't help meself!) Karen smiled evilly as she said "it begins". She then rushed home to get something that she had never used (and apparently, never had to… until then).

Jack woke up with a start. He was sweating like wild. He was covered with so much sweat it felt like there was another person… hang on. There WAS another person lying on top of him. He pushed them off. Holy shit, it was Popuri! "Oh crap, I've deflowered the flower loving girl" Jack thought to himself as he got up to leave. And then fell right back down again. Oh crap, he had the hangover from hell.

When he did eventually manage to get up, it was 12.00 pm. He walked out of the mysteriously unoccupied Inn door. Only to find the whole town crowded around. They all burst out laughing. That was about the time that Jack realised he was naked. "Oh fuck", he whimpered to himself.

Trying to cover the more private regions of his body, he ran to the right. Here he found Karen standing in the street, laughing her head off. "You are the biggest bitch I've ever known", he blurted out. Expecting her to hit him, he almost ran, but she caught hold of his hand before he could. She turned him around to face her, and looked him straight in the eye. "Thanks for the compliment", she said, and walked off.

Before she rounded the corner, she said "Oh, and Jack, you know, I thought you were kinda hot before. But now, to be honest, well… let's just say I have a thing about not dating drag queens. Although the lipstick does match your eye colour…" with that, she turned and walked smoothly around the corner.

Jack ran all the way home, and looked straight in the mirror. "Oh fuck" he moaned, actually crying a little bit. It wasn't until he wiped everything off his face, and had gotten some clothes on, that he remembered what she had said… she found him hot? He didn't know if that was a good thing, because she thought he was hot, or a bad thing, because she HAD thought he was hot…

_A/N: Well, that was fast. Then again, so was your review, Anna. Thanks. And to everyone else, now you have two chapters to read… yay? Anyway, keep on RnRing, folks! Oh yeah, and I've got a new story coming pretty soon, to…_


	7. Chapter 7

**TRUTH OR DARE: NOW THIS IS GETTING WEIRD!**

_A/N: This chapter will be funny… I hope… I know that I'm flattering myself here, but did anyone else here find the last chapter hilarious? I didn't explain it properly, but what I meant by all the "subtle" hints was that Jack got a lovely makeover. Oh yeah, and, Jack may not have actually "deflowered" Popuri. You see, when she was flung down the stairs, she landed in an awkward position… ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself (I heard saying that makes you sound smart) but now, I must finish my novelty over-sized chapter, and continue on!_

"She is pure evil", Jack said as the guys neared the entrance to the beach. "Yeah, she's pure hot too!" said Kai. "True", said Jack, but this didn't mean he was happy when he saw all the girls gathered near the deck chairs. There, in all her glory, was Karen, sitting in the same revealing bikini that almost got him killed . All the other girls, with the exception of Mary, were wearing an unrevealing one-piece (Mary was wearing a G-String, and practically not wearing anything on top). Karen blew a kiss at him, waving Ann's lipstick in the air. All the girls burst out in laughter.

"I'm never gonna get a girlfriend now, am I?" said Jack sadly. "Shit no pal, shit no", said Kai comfortingly. Jack turned back to the girl and saw them all laughing still. All except Karen. She was wearing what Jack interpreted as a mildly flirty grin. She winked at him. Jack was taken aback. "I just never will understand girls".

"So, anyway, like I was saying, Jack may be an lying, cheating bastard who took advantage of me", Popuri said. Ann shot her a cold glare. Despite the events of last night, Ann still cared for Cliff. She thought the insult may have had ma double meaning, a phrase which here means "been aimed not only at that lying, cheating bastard Jack, but also at "Cliffie-wiffie (is she implying he stinks?)". (I apologise sincerely to Lemony Snicket for this reference. If you for some reason stumble upon this story, stop reading it now, as it is so terrible…there I go again. Sorry!). Ann then remembered how Popuri had asked her what had happened last night. She hadn't remembered what she'd done, so Ann decided to spare her. "Nothing much", she replied with her convincing but fake smile on her face.

"Erm… guys?" Popuri asked, a little weird out at the fact that no one had replied because there was too much room taken up by the Lemony Snicket thing in the last paragraph. "Oh, don't worry, he may be a lying, cheating bastard, but your still as "innocent" as ever. Ya see, Ann got angry, maybe you puked all over the carpet or something" -at this Ann looked down to avoid Popuri's eyes- "and she threw you down the stairs, all too conveniently you landed right on top of Jack, who was naked because of a bet we made", she said then bursting into a fit of laughter similar to that of Popuri's in the previous chapters (she was wondering whether the water-proof mascara had taken a while to rub off).

"Oh, thank Goddess", she said, obviously quite relieved. "I am never drinking again. It hurts in the morning", she sobbed. "You had a hangover, bitch", said Karen. Popuri took no offence in this, as, when Karen said it, she meant it at a compliment.

"Hey guys, I know, why don't WE play truth or dare!" said Rick. Everyone just stared at him. "Congratulations for coming out of the closet", said Kai. "No, I'm serious, guys", replied Rick, looking like he was about to cry. "Rick, would you please do us all a favour by fucking off" said the generally silent but always nonchalant Doctor. "SHUT UP!" Rick yelled, looking like he does when Kai really pisses him off. "Look, if you don't come on to us for at LEAST the rest of the day, we'll play your little game" said Cliff impatiently. This obviously made the guys crack up. Rick looked like he wanted to cry, but realised that this was his one chance to get them to play. "Whatever", he replied huffily.

"I may as well go first, I don't think Karen could embarrass myself anymore than she already has", Jack said. "Ok, truth or dare", says Kai, already looking bored, although he secretly had always loved the game. "I better be safe, I'll go with truth", Jack said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Ok then", said Kai, knowing the perfect question. "Are you a virgin?" "Ok, ok, dare", said Jack. He was now a reddish pink. "Excellent. Now, I dare you to ask everyone here to a wild party at your house, to be held on the 18th for your birthday", Kai said evilly. "Oh, fuck you Kai!" said Jack, annoyed that he had fallen for such a cheap trick (Kai had been bugging him to have a wild party ever since he found out when Jack's birthday was, a.k.a, on the walk to the beach that day).

"Ok, do you all wanna come to a wild party, which I am being forced to hold at my farm on Saturday?" he said, in his I'm-pissed-off-with-you-all tone of voice. "Great. Now go ask the girls." "WHAT! THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!" Jack yelled, he was NOT going near Karen anytime soon. "What, did you expect me to ask you to hold a sausage-fest party?" said Kai, taking it quite personally. "I said you have to ask everyone here, and by here I mean the beach", he said smugly. "Fine, but I hate all of you!" He said, now scared to death at the thought of having to go near his crush/bully.

"Hey, look, here comes Jackonette! Hi Jackonette!" said Karen in a sweet voice that definitely didn't suit her. "Ha, ha, very funny. I came over hear to ask you to a party. But only because HE made me", he said, pointing to Kai, who was innocently whistling and twiddling his thumbs. "Oh, honey, you shouldn't let your boyfriend control you like that", Karen replied, still not giving up the joke.

"Look, is it yes or no?" Jack responded irritably. "Hold you horses hon. When, pray tell, is this little party of yours?" she said, looking a little bored. "The 18th. It's gonna be at my farm." "Well, surprise, surprise, it's on your birthday", she said, still sounding bored. "…How did you know that!" said Jack, wondering if she knew more about him than he thought. "I know a lot more about you than you think I know, Jack", she replied, a hint of mystery in her voice.

"Fine, we'll come to your gay party, but you owe us!" Karen yelled as the girls (this time meaning all of them, not just Karen) jumped into the warm salty water.

_A/N: Ok, so it wasn't that weird… but I bet it will be at the party! Now for the…_

_TTTTTHHHHHAAAAANNNNNKKKKKYYYYYOOOOOUUUUUSSSSS:_

_Farmergrl0319: Yeah, that was an unexpected twist! Scary… shit yeah! Oh, and BTW, Jack had a makeover while he was running around… so sad (for him, not Karen)_

_Greenfrie: Sorry, I wasn't copying, in fact, I haven't read your fic, although I should, it sounds funny… just like alcohol. Oh yeah, and, ah sorry about the, heh heh, men are dumb thing… RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN, GIRLS!_

_Tikzch: Yep, she was as drunk as hell… on one drop of light strength beer… did I mention her beer was light-strength? Yup, looking back, that was one hell of a funny phrase. Especially because he was wearing makeup and didn't know it… here's some more for ya!_

_Seeya next chapter (whenever that may be…)_


	8. Chapter 8

**

THE PARTY: IT BEGINS…

**

_A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! I know this chapter is short andI apologise deeply for updating in more than 24hrs, but I have a cousin over, so I've been spending the day with her! I'll upgrade real soon, promise!_

Jack sighed as he pulled the last tomato out of the ground. He checked his watch. They (meaning everyone apart from Jack, who was too grumpy to talk) had decided to come around at 6:00pm, as the night would still be young, and all that crap.

FUCK! It was 5:55pm! That meant not only had he given himself only 5 minutes to prepare, but that he hadn't noticed that Zack, the shipper, had come around almost an hour ago.

Jack quickly got undressed and got into his best shirt. Then, the doorbell rang. Before Jack could yell so much as "Coming!", Karen entered.

She looked at him weirdly before saying "You may have wanted to warn me that you don't usually wear pants in your house before inviting me to this party" she said, still looking at Jack like he was a crazed psychopath (which he probably was, but shut up…)

Jack wasn't even listening to Karen. He was looking at her though. He loved the way her eyes shone in the moonlight, the way her tanned brownish skin glowed beautifully…"Umm… are you gonna put pants on?" said a voice from behind Karen. It was Popuri. He could here a lot of giggles from behind her. "AHHHH! Er, just a sec, I'll be right back…" when he closed the door he heard shrieks of uncontrollable laughter from the other side.

Kai wasn't very pleased when he saw all the girls gathered around the door. He saw them all wearing huge puffy dresses. "Oh, hi Kai!...and Rick…" the girls all started to take off they're dresses (he realised they must have been wearing them as a cover-up from their parents).

Underneath, Ann had on a tube top and short-shorts, Popuri a pink mini-skirt and a tight white top, Mary was practically not wearing anything, Elli had on her usually dress, but tighter, and lower at the top and shorter at the bottom(she'd always been good with a needle and thread), and Karen, she just had on her bikini and some denim short-shorts.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" He yelled, wondering if Marcia off Australian Idol would care about him using that statement.

Kai was pretty much wearing what he did everyday, in fact, so was Cliff, Tim, and Jack, who'd just put on a clean change of clothes. As soon as everyone saw Rick, tears were shed at how pathetic he looked.

He was wearing a pink kilt, had a witch's hat on (with pink fake hair attached),a tiara, and half a (how did you guess, pink) bikini on top. At first, everyone just stared. "I thought this was fancy dress", he said, looking confused. Now the tears were shed. The tears of laughter, that is.

"C'mon, Karen my darling, walk me home so I can get dressed", Rick said, sounding quite upset, "Rick, Jack has a better chance of being with me than you do!" everyone laughed. Jack didn't know whether what she'd said was good or bad. He sucked at understanding the opposite sex. Rick looked hurt, and went crying (literally) home.

As soon as Rick had come back, dressed in his normal daggy clothes, it began. The alcohol was put taken out of the fridge, the offspring CD (blatant advertising. Gotta love it!) was put on, and the party had started.

_A/N: I hope you found it funny! Now for the…_

_:SUO KNAHT_

_Greenfrie: Yeah, I am pretty forge… what were we talkin' bout?_

_Tikzch: Thanks! I'll try!_

_Farnergrl0319: Yes, this party will be twisted, I'll probably have to put on another warning! Lol!_


	9. Chapter 9

**THE PARTY: BOREDOM SUCKS BALLS**

_A/N: Murder me now. I feel so horrible about leaving you for so long without another chapter. I've been like, 24 hours! I'm so SORRY! I went to my grandma's house for dinner you see. Well, at least I don't have mother-fucking swimming training tomorrow at 10:40 (am, duh!) so I can stay up till around 7 (also am, dumb-ass!) Do you have to do swimming school stuff? Its terrible! The clothes-swims get easier in time, of course, but I'm barely listening when they're saying all this crap about CPR. My mind is elsewhere .I'm usually thinkin' bout ideas for fanfics (which I then weave together into the main plot) so if I fail, it's ALL YOUR FAULT! Anyway… fuck, I'm bleeding, I cut me finger on a coke can!... ANYWAY, here is your long awaited chapter. Enjoy… if that's possible…_

"Dude, this party is shit-house", said Kai, quite frankly one pissed-off depressed teen (kinda reminds you of me, dusn' it). "Dude, it WAS your idea to do this in the first place", said Jack, kinda hurt. It was 30 minutes into the party, and nothing really exciting had happened, but that didn't mean the party was boring did it? Of course it didn't…

But he knew Kai was right. The only one having fun was Rick (he had hooked up a karaoke thingy to the TV and was singing his heart out to "My Boy Lollipop" (I think that's its name). All the girls looked thoroughly bored, and Jack could swear Popuri was asleep. "Oh, fuck this shit, its time to party!" Karen said finally. She then did a mere few things that started the party properly.

First things first, she picked up the Karaoke set, and unplugged it extremely carefully. "I didn't wanna do anything that could damage the TV", she explained, then threw the set out the window (it landed somewhere in Timbuktu). Next, she put a beer in everyone's hand, after opening it with her chest (the guys were all of a sudden very interested in the brand of beer Jack had bought).

Then, she turned off the big light, and turned on a dark multicoloured light. She then turned the music up to full blast, and by pure chance the song "Spaz's House Destruction Party" (it's not by the Offspring, I don't know who it's done by, but it's on my MP3, and I'm listening to it right now!) And then the party really begun.

In a mere manner of minutes, everyone was dancing (apart from Rick, who was crying miserably in a corner because he was scared) and things were starting to liven up a bit. Jack didn't know why, but Karen was dancing right next to him. In fact, if you were looking at them from a side view, you'd think she was making out with him!

She was extremely close, one would definitely call her too close for comfort, if he wasn't as happy as he'd ever been at that moment in his life. She was a spectacular dancer, she worked her body like it was the easiest thing possible.

Her hands were going up and down his body (no, not where you think, she aint no slut…) when all of a sudden she walked around him, doing a full 360. But around half way around, she surprised him further than humanly possible. She grabbed his butt, winking. The mouthful of beer that previously occupied his mouth was spit out onto Cliff. "FUCK WHOEVER WRITES THIS SHIT!" he yelled, making me change my decision of marrying him in MFoMT (when I stop being a tight-arse and go buy it).

"What the fuck was that!" he whispered into Karen's ear when she'd come back around to his side. "It was me grabbing your arse, dummy" she whispered back, then turning around to go dance with Kai. But after a few steps, she turned around (she's been doing a lot of that in this story) kissed her hand, then slapped her butt with the same hand.

"Any information I thought I previously knew about the opposite sex has now gone out the door" he said, staring at the girl that had humiliated him, but also… liked him?

_A/N: Fuck. I was hoping that since you had to wait longer I'd be motivated to write something interesting. Well, it is interesting, but when I say interesting, I mean a steaming pile of dog crap… anyway, time for the…_

_YOU THANKS:_

_FARMERGRL0319: Well, its started all right, with a little help from Karen…_

_TIKZCH: Oi, don't you go bad-mouthing my cousin… bad-mouth me instead! Seriously though, I have Jack naked so much because I think he's one sexy mama (that was in no way even the slightest bit true, he's a fucking image on a screen!)_

_PACIFICTWIST: Thanks so much! It's not really that amazing, I mean I took forever to put up this chapter! Thanks, I love being the crude, rude bitch that I am, it's really fun (then again, what I find fun, you probably wouldn't dream of in your nightmares… that's right, I've seen Family Guy! AHHHHHHHHH… not really as scary as I'd hoped…)_

_Now, I really need to go piss, so if you'll excuse me…_

_Signed The tight-arsed bitch with the "evil" name Ella._


	10. Chapter 10

**

THE PARTY: THE PART I CAN'T THINK UP A NAME FOR

**

_A/N: I got bored, and, seeing as it's like 2:00am over here, I have no social life, and I'm bored shitless, here's your next chapter. Hopefully it will be longer and better than the last…_

"Man, can that girl work her ARSE!" observed Kai, as he watched Karen practically have sex with the air in front of her. " For once, I will agree with you, you meanie!" said Rick.

"Fuck off" said Gray, as even he had drawn his attention away from Mary (who wasn't even there at that moment, she'd gone outside for a reason hat… well, let's just say it involved the Kappa, all the Harvest Sprites, a flying monkey from the Wizard of Oz, an Oompa Loompa, and the whole cast from South Park) and was watching Karen work her arse better than anything on the planet ever could.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHH!" he screamed. Karen just snapped. She turned around, grabbed Rick, and started going psycho "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THE NEXT MILLISECOND, YOU'LL BE JOINING YOUR KARAOKE MACHINE… FUCK IT, YOU CAN JOIN IT NOW!" and with that, she threw him who knows how many kilometres away until he finally landed in Antarctica (that is pronounced AnTarCTiCa, NOT ANarDiGa!).

"Antarctica, Timbuktu, same dif!" she said, knowing perfectly well they were completely different from each other in just about every way possible.

After a while, everyone got a bit tired, so they decided to play a bit of spin the bottle. "This is lame", said Popuri, who was the most likely person to have suggested playing the game in the first place. "Just be quiet and spin it!" said Rick, who had come back a few minutes after he had been thrown, covered in snow ( Karen had said "goddess-fucking-damnit!" but had eventually moved on".

Popuri spun the bottle. It landed on Cliff. Ann looked a bit worried at this, although no one noticed. Ann realised he probably didn't remember that night either, as they both just gave each other a shy peck (they hadn't been so conservative before!).

Next it was Mary's go, but she had to make it quick, as all her magical friends (+ the South Park cast) were waiting for her, so she just made out with the doctor for about half an hour before continuing whatever the fuck she was doing out there before. Next was Karen's turn. She land on Rick.

Rick looked hopeful, and everyone just stared for a few seconds before saying "re-spin" ignoring the crushed look on his face. This time she got Kai. She pashed him full and proper for about 5 seconds.

Jack was really confused by this. Hadn't she grabbed his butt earlier on? Why did the goddess make the opposite sex so confusing! (even if all she really made were the plants or some crap).

After a few more spins, and a few timid kisses, it was finally Jack's turn. The bottle spun around Yes, yes, yes, Karen!... no, no, goddess, no, Rick… (this continues for about a minute, it was a very slow bottle, as Jack never was that good at spinning his alcohol) and finally it found its spot, pointing absolutely right on Karen.

His heart leapt with joy (so did something else, no prizes for guessing what). He leant over, she leant over, and then… he didn't understand it. Why wouldn't his lips just meat hers? For some reason, he just stayed exactly where he was, not able to move a muscle. Everyone was staring at him.

After about half a minute, Karen got fed up. She did what she always did (anything to get things moving, she's just as impatient as me, and believe me, if something takes more than 24 hours, I usually start making my room a form of creative art, aka tearing it apart) and said what she always said. "Fuck this shit, if you aren't, I am."

Instead of just giving him a passion-filled kiss and all that crap, she stood up, pulling him up with her, wrapped his arms around her, and pulled his head in. She then started doing very interesting things with her tongue in his mouth, while he just stood there shocked. But after a while, he started to kiss her back.

_A/N: I suck, get over it. Now for the…_

_OYU KHSANT:_

_Fuck you all for not reviewing. Wait a minute, it's my fault for putting this chapter up about an hour after the last one. Damn…_

_Seeya later, if for some weird reason I fly to America, find out where you all live, hunt you down and start making small talk._

_Sincerely, _

_Your Worst Nightmare,_

_PEPSI MAX (they pay me to do that)_

_Ella._


	11. Chapter 11

**THE PARTY: DOWN BY THE BEACH**

_A/N: Ok, guys, hopefully this will be a nice, long chapter. You wouldn't fucking believe it, but it's my other grandma's birthday today. So this is being written whilst my other relies go off and get hammered or something ( it is only 11:30 am, but shut up). OK, enjoy!_

Everyone was a little bored, so they decided to go down to the beach. It was only 10 pm, so why not? Rick had already fallen asleep though (it was 9, yes, 9 hours past his bed time).

As they exited the house (with the portable stereo and an esky filled with delicious and "nutritious" alcohol), they found Mary having a tea party whilst watching Scott Tennemman (no fuckin' idea how you spell it) be sacrificed to Cart-man's lord, Mel Gibson ( yes, he's an insane Australian like me).

Mary finished her tea quickly, thanked the Kappa for giving her the Jade Monkey and ran to join her friends. If everyone else weren't so completely hammered (just like the relies) they would've been a little weirded out…

They walked along quietly, so quietly you wouldn't have actually seen them in broad daylight (damn, how do you do that?). They didn't want to alert the parents to the party or the alcohol consumption that had taken place there.

As soon as they got to the beach, they put the music on such a high setting, the Leaning Tower of Piza very nearly became the Crumpled Tower of Bread Crumbs, and began yelling, screaming, dancing, and playing volleyball with Wilson's head (yes, we do have movie theatres and TV over here, dumbass).

Karen was walking over to Jack. He saw her coming over. He was NOT gonna freeze up like last time, or do ANYTHING that could possibly embarrass him. "Wanna take a walk?" she said in a soft, sexy voice (not to me, mind, I'm not a Yuri girl. Not that there's anything wrong with that). "OK" Jack squeaked in a voice so high-pitched, it could have been mistaken for a dog whistle.

_A/N: Sorry for putting an A/N right in the middle of the story, but HOLY FUCK! I feel like I'm gonna vomit cos my Aunt made me eat a huge slice of rich cake and I hadn't had any breakfast… dear lord, just put me out of my misery right now… I'm sure if you people were here you'd be LYFAO (Laughing Your Fucking Arse Off) at how they're all talking about my cousin's most embarrassing baby moments. But the real reason you'd be laughing is because they're drunk off their arses (or at least they seem to be)._

_My uncles and dad are talking in loud rumbly voices about some shit, my aunts are pretty much their normal selves (a little too nice…) my grandma's laughing at nothing, my mum's hurrying around trying to find something to panic about (and she's a social worker!) and I can just tell that if my brother was offered death or being there right now, he'd gladly choose the fiery pits (he's done a lot of wrong in his life) and me?... well, I escaped them all, to come and write this shit. Now, I'll stop this eerily large A/N and get back to the story!_

They walked along the beach in silence for a while. Karen had her arm around his waist, beer bottle in hand, looking up at Jack expectantly. "Er, um, ah, it… it's nice weather?" he managed to stutter. Karen looked a bit put out by this.

"Jack, why are you so un-open with me?" she asked, looking a little down-cast. He was surprised at this question. She seemed to be a different person when she was around him only.

For some reason, Jack got really annoyed at this. As if she didn't know! "Like you don't know! You know very well why I'm shy around you! Just like every other guy around here, I have eyes, so I can see your beautiful! No need to rub it in my face!" he finished.

Karen just stopped dead in her tracks. "…what did you just call me?" "I called you beautiful!". "…what?" said Karen looking absolutely shocked. "Are you deaf! I'll speak a little louder then! I CALLED YOU BEUTIFU…" Jack was cut off by Karen's mouth.

It was a very long kiss, it lasted a long time. No one could see them though, as they were now in complete darkness, with the exception of the moon. When they finally parted, Karen spoke.

"I've been called pretty before. Loads of times. I've been called sexy, cute, hot, you name it, I've been called it… but that was the first time I've been called beautiful… well, the second. There was this guy, when I was… never mind that…. Hey, let's dance!".

Jack wasn't expecting that. To be perfectly honest, he wasn't in the mood for more tiring sexy dancing. But she grabbed his hand, and started… twirling? Yes, this was a very different dance to what he'd expected. It was beautiful. She twirled and twirled, the moonlight illuminating her skin, her hair… and her eyes. They shone with mystery, they shone with beauty. But most of all, they shone with… sadness?

Karen came back to him, and they started to twirl. Jack wanted to stay there forever. Just twirling and twirling… twirling in the moonlight with Karen. But after a while, Jack noticed something. The sadness in Karen's eyes were gone, and was replaced with a naughty look.

"Hey, I love this song!" she said, as that song "I want You Bad" (well, I had to have some cue for this) came on. She pushed Jack to the ground. At first he thought she was going to start kicking him, but then he felt her get on top of him, he felt her lips against his…

_A/N: Bet you didn't see that comin'! It don't necessarily mean that they're together forever, I'll tell you that much… _

_TnHkA UoSy:_

_PacificTwist: Yup, Karen kicks arse! I'm gonna try an update even faster…_

_Tikzch: Well, Mary likes herbal (that is pronounced Herbal not Erbal) tea, what else can I say?... OOOOOOOOOOWWWEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! I am the ghost of fanfic past!... wait a min, where do you live?_

_Farmergrl0319: That's fine. They are a pretty good (but oddly matched) couple, aren't they?Nah, nah nah nah nah! I'm on summer holidays!... but I'm going back to school in 2 and a ½ weeks… damn…_

_Thanks, and enjoy!_


	12. Chapter 12

**

THE MORNING AFTER

**

_A/N: Hi guys! Nothin to say. Enjoy!_

Jack woke up in the morning around… woah, wait a minute… Jack checked his watch… it was 12:20 pm! And, conveniently, the song playing on the stereo (which no one could be fucked to turn off) was on the song "The Worst Hangover Ever" (and yes, this is by the Offspring).

Jack realised just how fitting the song was when he tried to stand up. He couldn't even get up, it felt like there was something holding to the ground…fuck.

Last time this happened, he thought he had de-flowered Popuri (not that that was a bad thing…) but when he looked down, he got a pleasant surprise.

All the girls of Mineral Town (yes, even Elli) were lying on top of him, wearing only their lingerie, which, for some eerie reason, had all been picked out by Kai.

He wasn't caring particularly about that at the moment. He was just extremely happy. But then he realised something… was someone missing?

"Elli…check, Popuri…check, Ann…check, Mary… check… oh, FUCK!" he yelled. The one girl he actually liked (not that he had any problem with the other 4 girls, quite the opposite…) was missing. He soon realised that he really shouldn't have yelled, because as soon as he yelled, he had a splitting head-ache. Not so much because of him yelling, but because…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he had awoken the girls of Mineral Town, and they did NOT look happy.

After a few extremely painful kicks in the face, he was left on the beach, wondering where the fuck Karen was, and whether she had anything to do with this. He looked up. And he instantly wished he hadn't.

There, next to Kai, was not Karen, but something probably worse. Her clothes. Jack panicked. He felt like crap. He couldn't believe it. He actually felt like crying, when… "ALL RIGHT, YOU LAZY ARSES, GET YOURSELF OFF THIS BEACH!" it was Harris. And he looked pissed off.

Everyone slowly started to wake up, wishing they hadn't. Everyone understandably had the hangovers from hell. Everyone except Karen. There she was, sitting happily on the beach, in her… clothes? Then… wait a minute… on closer inspection, they weren't Karen's clothes lying next to Kai, they were…

"JACK, ARE YOU A NUDIST OR SOMETHING! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NEVER WEARING ANYTHING!" Harris looked quite shocked.

"What the… NOT AGAIN! THIS STORY IS SO REPETITIVE!" Jack screamed as he jumped into the water to hide his shame. Karen was LHAO (Laughing Her Arse Off). "Huh?... you… YOU did this!" he yelled, looking at her, obviously horrified. "How did you guess?" she answered.

She thought for a little while, before another one of those devilish grins came across her face. "Hey Jack?" she said, innocently looking at him. He'd learnt to never trust her when she looked innocent. "Are you a fast runner?" "Oh no… oh no no no no no… KAREN, NO!" But it was to late. She'd already picked up his clothes, and started running.

He waded quickly out of the water, and started running after her. But she was extremely fast. She was already at Barley's old farm.

"WHAT THE FUCK, WOMAN! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOOD AT EVERYTHING?" "I guess it's an Aussie thing!" she yelled behind her. "… huh? Aussie? You mean like Austrian?" "No, Australian, fuck-head!" and with that, she turned the corner into the main town, while he was still trying to find out why the hell being Australian would make you a fast runner (in the end he concluded that Australians had to run from kangaroos or something on their way to work every day).

It was only after he had chased her around the whole town and she was heading for his farm, that he realised what she had done. She'd made him do a nudie run around the whole town. Well, nothing to lose now.

He was pretty worn out, but he was sure he could go that little bit faster… but as soon as he managed to get about a step closer to her, she accelerated to full speed. Dear goddess, he could swear she wasn't human. She cleared his whole fucking farm in 18 seconds!

It took him about half an hour! He finally got across his farm, practically having an asthma attack (and he didn't even have asthma!) he finally decided to go up the path to the mountain. He saw her waiting for him, looking kinda bored.

"Well, at least you answered my question. You're a terrible runner (and Jack had actually been a semi-pro athlete before he took over the farm!) Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. What do you think you did last night?"

"Well, obviously, let's just say I aint no virgin…" but he was stopped by Karen laughing. Popuri style. "Jack, you don't seriously think… this is just sad… I DARED them to do that… and it's not what you think by the way, your still as innocent as Popuri…" and then she smiled.

"Well, Jack, if you think your such a big player, I suppose you won't be needing these anymore", and with that, she threw his clothes off Mother's Hill.

_A/N: Moral: Guys, just because a pile of nearly naked girls are lying on top of you, it don't mean you had sex!_

_ThANk YYYYYooooooouuuuuuuuuuSSSSSS:_

_PacificTwist: Thanks! Who knows, I may never finish this story, I may keep going forever… Ok, maybe not. But it's gonna last a long time, so you'll have to suffer it every day for who knows how long! Mua ha ha ha ha! _

_Signed,_

_Your wacky Aussie mate, Ella. (Oh yeah, BTW, we don't have roos hopping around everywhere, that is pure American or wherever-it-is-your-from-myth)_


	13. Chapter 13

**

YOU WERE NOT EXPECTING THIS!

**

_A/N: Hi to all you rejects of society (it was a joke, live with it). This chapter's a lot more emotional than the other ones, focussing a lot on sadness and anger. Sorry I didn't update twice today, but now I feel really amped to write. The reason I didn't update earlier was that I found out that even after going nocturnal (stay up till 7am, wake up at 2 or 3 pm) I still have a social life. I went over to my friend's house for most of my day-time awake hours. Damn it, I have swimming tomorrow… anyway, enjoy!_

Jack was thoroughly pissed off. He just didn't get Karen. One minute she was all smiles, the next she was a cold-hearted yet playful bitch. The thing that confused him most was the fact that he was more attracted to the playful bitch.

It was 6 pm, and Zack had just left. Jack remembered earlier that day. He wondered how exactly the fuck Karen had that much energy. It just didn't make sense. Then again, neither did she. Why did she tease him? Why did she lead him on so much, but then humiliate in front of the people he cared about? Jack heard a noise coming from the path leading to his farm. It was someone crying.

Karen entered his farm… what the… was she… crying? Jack had assumed that people like Karen never cried. He didn't understand it. Even so, he went over to see what was up. "Hey, Karen, are you ok?" he asked, now seriously concerned. The tears fell down to the ground. "I hate you", she said, avoiding his eyes.

"Then why did you come to see me?" this question made Karen look up. "Because although you may be a self-centred dick-head, I can trust you."

This surprised Jack. He was expecting her to get annoyed and run away at the speed of light or something. Then again, she was extremely unpredictable. "Jack, I do need to talk to you". She sounded extremely sad.

"Jack, I hate my life. My parents, they fight all the time. Guys are always hitting on me, not really caring about anything but my body. I'm the one with no best friend out of the girls, Mary has Elli, Ann has Popuri. I have no one, no one but myself. This has never bothered me before. But since my parents have started fighting more, I've had no one to talk to. Because no one loves me."

She finished this with a scary note. It sounded like she meant what she said. "But Karen… I love you…" I couldn't believe what I had just said. This was impossible. I didn't even know who she really was, hw could I love her? It made no sense. "Don't you DARE say that! You don't know anything about me!"

But it was true, and Jack knew it… and he also knew that he had met her before. He had just realised it. He was such an idiot, how could he have forgotten those beautiful green eyes? " I know that you're a virgin."

"…what? As a matter of fact, I'm not! I haven't been for ages! I got drunk when I was 13, and I was with this guy who said he loved me, some relative of the guy from this fa…" and then she realised. He had come back. He had come back. And he was Jack. How could she have been so stupid? Of COURSE it was Jack! The hat, the hair… his wonderful brown eyes…

"You got drunk, and I carried you home. You had my clothes on, because yours got wet you jumped into the goddess pond (the goddess was not exactly happy about this) so I took off mine, and gave them for you. It was a sacrifice for the girl I lo…" but he was cut off with her fist slamming into his face.

"You BASTARD! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT TELL ME IT WAS YOU! YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS STARTING TO LIKE YOU… again… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! Don't answer... just LEAVE ME ALONE!" and with that, she stormed off Jack's farm.

Jack followed Karen all the way back to her house. "Karen, just let me explain… I only just figured out…" but Karen just kept going faster and faster, until she finally reached the super market. "Please Karen, let me explain!"

"NOT in the mood Jack! Let me tell you one thing Jack, now RICK has more chance of getting within ten feet of me without a black eye than you do!"

(Rick was bouncing in happiness from behind his favourite stalking spot, the tree above the chair next to the supermarket.)

Shouts could be heard from behind Karen's door as Jack slowly walked back to his farm at 8 pm, voice hoarse, heart broken.

_A/N: Sorry about this chapter being so… humourless. Oh well, next chapter will be more jokes, less yelling (I was gonna make a rhyme, but what fits into the right category and rhymes with joke?)_

_Now, the…_

_DANK BLUES:_

_PacificTwist: Yeah, sorry I took so long to update this time…_

_Farmergrl0319: Here's more, bet it wasn't what you expected… sorry if it's too serious, but I needed to add some plot to this story… Yeah, we're lucky, but it's been so cold! There's been a cyclone a thousand or so kilometres up north to Perth (where I live, the most isolated city in the world) which has brought the temperature down from the thirties (that's 85-115 or something in Fahrenheit, not very hot for us, but still, it was warmish, kinda) down to the apparently (I don't feel the cold) freezing 20s (that's like 75 to 85, I have no idea, check a thermometer with both Celsius and Fahrenheit if for some reason you care). It sucks!... Oh well, it's practically over now… quite frankly, I feel just a teeny tiny bit more sorry for the people up north (I'm being a tiny bit sarcastic there, aren't I?) Sorry about the length of this thank-you, but I like rambling… about the weather?_

_Tikzch: Hey, that was cool, almost like poetry… yes, I am perfect, aren't I? I can even break a mirror just by looking at it! Wow!... _


	14. Chapter 14

**

PISSED OFF

**

_A/N: Sorry for being such an arse. And not a small, baby's arse, but a whopping huge brickie's arse. I've left you like 2 whole days without a chapter. Anyway, enjoy!_

Karen lay on her bed. Why the fuck hadn't farmer boy told her who he was? _"He said he didn't know until then, dumbass!" _her conscience told her.

"_It wasn't his fault, it's your fault as always! His only crime was being a man, that's why he was such a jerk at the beach before, your only punishing him because your scared, your scared of loving someone… well fuck you! I'm not being anyone's conscience if they can't even love… I'm outta here!" _and that was how Karen came to be so ruthless, so uncontrollable, she longed for punishment.

Her heart yearned for mending, but she decided she wouldn't give in to that urge. Her name was Karen, her game was rioting. That's how she decided it was gonna be. Especially since she had no conscience (it was on holiday in Australia, wondering why the fuck it was 120 degrees Fahrenheit in winter).

Jack saw a flash of white as something reared the corner and headed towards the farm. At first he tought it was a giant white dove, but found out it was something far more beautiful… and dangerous.

Karen rode towards him on the horse she'd "borrowed" from Barley's ranch. It was beautiful, just like her. A white untameable beast, Barley had actually left it outside with a sign saying "STEAL ME" in big black letters hanging on its neck. Karen didn't know why, maybe because they were so alike, maybe because they wanted the same thing, but for some reason, the horse had been perfectly obedient around her.

She seemed to enjoy the attention of the local bad girl, and she loved doing anything rebellious it seemed. She cantered happily down the road, feeling great. No one had taken her out for a ride since… ever? Stupid fucking Barley, too old to simply hop onto a horse's back. But now she had Karen, she knew they could do whatever they pleased. Karen had given her a name, too. Epona (Zelda, anyone?) was the name she'd given her, and she liked it.

(ANYWAY!) Jack saw it come towards him. It was extremely fast, as fast as Karen… it WAS Karen!... but, wait a minute, was she… riding a horse? She was! It was a great beautiful mare, glorious and perfect, just like Karen.

It seemed to also have the same confident arrogance that Karen had (Wait a minute… fuck, I'm off track again!) as they came closer, he saw Karen was wearing the bikini of evil. But he didn't see them for long, as they zoomed past. Then he suddenly realised… they'd nabbed his basket… which was FULL OF PINAPPLES!

"OI!" Jack yelled, running after them as fast as he could. "TRY AND CATCH ME NOW, BITCH!" Karen yelled behind her, waving goodbye. She took the top half of her bikini off, and started twirling it in the air. "Jack just stared in amazement as the horse bucked upwards in glee, Karen laughing all the while, and cantered off into the distance.

The whole town was worried, as Karen had stolen all of their "Sentimentally valuable possessions" (in other words, loads of crap). "She stole my TUTU!" Rick cried out, before being quickly set on fire by an imaginary ciggy lighter by Mary (which for some reason worked, because I said it did) because Karen had stolen her real one (and they only get imported to Mineral Town once a year). This has got to stop! Someone yelled, and everyone just scratched their arses and said stuff like "Yeah, s'pose so". "Let's kill her!" "Yeah!" everyone agreed, and the crowd started to chant, "Kill her! Kill her, Kill, her!"

Jack woke up. He had had a pretty damn weird dream. "Wait a minute," he thought, "why did Mary have a cigarette lighter?" "Because she smokes, dumbass" said a voice from behind him.

_A/N: Well, in my opinion, that was, how you say, one fucked up piece of shit. BTW, I don't actually know that much about horses, but the sick little leprechaun in my brain does, so, yeah…_

_FANK OOS:_

_Farmergrl0319: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!... I DON'T THINK IT'S BEEN THAT COLD OVER HERE SINCE, LIKE… 1259 B.C!_

_Tikzch: Yeah, your fanfic is cool, keep going!... Oh yeah, and I forgot to say in my review, isn't Karen supposed to be the oldest girl in MT?_

_PacificTwist: That's great! This chapter's pretty fucked up though…_

_Keep RnRing… if you can be screwed…_


	15. Chapter 15

**SERIOUSLY, I HAD BAAAAAD COMPUTER TROUBLES!**

_a/N: ok, so the title has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the story, but I seriously need to say that I did NOT EVER abandon this fanfic for one second! This is what happened..._

_I was feeling kinda guilty for not reviewing in two days, so I decided to wite the next chapter (which, as you now know, involved a very scary part by Elli) and I was waiting for the sight to load... and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... I startd to panic. I realized that this was a serious problem, because, like you all know, the fanfics are like my life! I realized that pretty much the only sites I could go on were... well, basically every other site. I waited till the end of the month in case it was something to do with the download limit, I tried every god damned day to get into this site, and have been, until, one day... the computer just completely fucked up, so we got a new one (the old one was a piece of shit anyway) that we actually own! (the other one was my dad's work computer, the stupid steaming pile of dog crap!) _

_I counted the days until we got this... which, evidently, was one cos we were pretty damn fed up, and then... the computer we got sold was broken. Well, that's just fucking great.So it had to go back to the store, and took like forever to come back, and when it did... well, that's just now. _

_And we STILL don't have the internet,but we're getting it tomorrow, which will explain why I don't put any thank you on the end of these next few novelty oversized chapters... you know what, I think I'll just make this chapter an A/N! Don't worry, I'll probably pull an all nighter to get a few thousand chapters done... even though it isn't the holidays anymore...(stupid old S.O.B of a computer... not this one, the old one... bah, who cares...) so this should be up by tomorrow... but by the time you reading this, it'll be today..._

_Well, I hope that answered a few questions! Now, if my loyal fans are actually loyal... or still alive at this point... happy reading! (If your a new reader, the same to you! and if your no a reader... then you wouldn't be reading this, would you?)_

_p.s. Your missing a chapter. This is because I really couldn't be bothered writing it for a 3rd time (computer troubles, as explained). Maybe one day, if I'm bored… but basically, what happens is it's Karen in his room, she apologizes, they "make up", and pretty much become a couple. Elli, the next day, goes to Jack's house real early in the morning and tells him she's always liked him, and suggests something… when Karen comes out, pashes Jack and tells Elli not to say anything about them (they've decided to keep the relationship a secret, god knows why), or she'll tell Ellen about what Elli had just said to Jack. _

_p.p.s. I'm gonna make a oneshot serious fic soon, all I'll tell you is that it involves Kai and Rick, and it's not loveydovey… probably… _


	16. Chapter 16

**THE LOOOONG AWAITED CHAPTER!**

_A/N: I wont say much... just enjoy!_

Popuri had noticed that something suspicious in the quaint litte town of Mineral Town was going on. Something... as in juicy gossip about a new couple... Jack and Karen! Yes, that's right, Jack, who obviously never had a chance in hell with Karen... may have had a chance in hell with Karen! Popuri wasn't sure what it was that gave her this impression. Maybe it was the way they looked at each other in the eyes for just a moment too long, maybe it was how Elli had literally caused a flood from crying for no particular reason... or so she said...(sadly, that guy from BtN who died in FoMT which, by the way, this story is about, well... died in the flood...), maybe it was the way they sat together at the Fireworks festival, or maybe it was the way they then proceeded to make out on the beach after the fireworks festival, but something made Popuri suspected something was up.

No one else seemed to suspect anything so Popuri decided that this was a mission for her and her only to deal with. She secretely exited her house at 12:01 am, because she set her timer a minute late, and walked out of the house. She walked silently to the town square. When she finally arrived... "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!" she screamed as someone's cow alarm (well, they just don't have the technology to build a car over there, OK?) went off in the distance. After standing in the square for a day trying to figure out why the hell Pikachu wasn't getting out of her toy pokeball, she finally gave up exactly twenty four hours after she first selected her pokemon of choice. "Fuck this, I'm getting Harris involved", she said, as she walked towards the mayor's house.

She entered the son of the mayor's bedroom about a minute later. He was lying on the bed seemingly naked (a sheet was covering him, I'm not that retarded...shudders and regurgitates icecream cake). "Why Popuri, what a surprise", he said looking at her suggestively. "Well... actually, your dad called you just a few seconds ago saying that I was coming in here..." "Oh yeah..." "anyway... I came to ask you about your police work, and if you cold help me with something". "Sure", Harris said, climbing out of the bed, revealing that he was completely clothed, and that the light was just shining on him in a bad way before which sickos (aka whoever reads/writes this shit) would have mis interpretted for a naked Harris... shudders and regurgtates again.

"Hmmm... so, you want me to spy on Karen and slash or Jack?" asked Harris after he had been told what Popuri wanted him to investigate which I just couldn't be bothered writing down. "Mmhmmmmmmmm" Popuri said, even though she isn't Marcia Hynes (an Aussie, you probably don't know her). "Ok... well, there's this really cool technology that can intercept text messages sent from anywhere on the island AND say who's mobile (cell) it came from... excluding that weird village with the giant bunny and the hobo down the hill..." Harris reached under his bed and brought out a suitcase around as big as Rick's glasses (it barely fit under the bed) and proceeded to open it up, along with loads of other smaller suitcases inside, until he inally got down to one tiny little suitcase.

He opened it and brought out a packet of weirdo brand mints. "Tac-tic?" he offered. The pack looked seriously suspicious,and Popuri sensed that it might be an illegal substance... like all that weed off of Jack's farm she kept being given... "Uhh... no thanks. Could I just see the SMS inbterrupter thingy?" "Oh yes, of course!" Harris pulled a smallish gizmo out of his pocket. "Ok, we'd better just test it out to see if it still works after I spilled a cracked egg on it..." while Popuri planned out the many wats she could murder Harris for craking an egg, Harris set up the device on the bed. "Ok... now, we wait... oh, it looks like someones texting already!" "Bip bip bip, biiiip biiiip, bip bip bip" the device made a funny sound that was suspiciously close to some sort of morse code, and then someone's text appeared on the screen.

"HAAAAAAZZAAAAAAAAAA!" the message was sent from Ellen to Barley. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZAAAAAAAAAAA!" came the rply. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The messages continued on like this for a long time. "Uhh... maybe we should turn it off..." suggested Popuri. "Yeah..." said a now mentally disturbed Harris. "Well, anyway... I'll meet you hear at 12 to to 1 am again tomorrow night?" Popuri said in an attempt to stop Harris having childhood flasbak and saing his daddy didn't love him. "Uh.. sure", Harris said as Popuri knocked him unconsious (Ha! Told you she's get revenge!) and exited the room.


	17. Chapter 17

**SNEAKING AROUND**

_A/N: Ok, I'm extremely pissed off today, as it's the last day of summer (if you haven't noticed by now, summer is my favourite season). So in this it will also be the last day of summer. Because I have constantly kept my promise (cough, bullshit, bullshit, cough) here is the next update!_

"Oh, ohh, oh!" came the screams from inside Jack's house. "That's it, Jack, that's it! More, more!" it was obviously Karen's voice. Harris peaked over the window with his camera (he was hiding in a bush he had dragged to Jack's house, a journey that took 5 hours and a lot of stares from the weirded out townsfolk). Harris was shocked at what he saw. "This is Arris-Hay to Opuri-Pay, can you read me?"

Harris spoke into the walkie talkie he held in his hand. Popuri poked her head out of the bush right next to Harris. "tis is Opuri-Pay to Arris-Hay, I read you!... wait a minute… what's with the walkie talkies?..." Harris and Popuri looked at each other blankly for a second, as neither had actually brought walkie-talkies. Harris threw them over to the chickens, killing 3 and a half of them (… wait a minute…).

Popuri punched Harris in the jaw, then looked through the window. "Oh…my…god…THAT'S SICK! THAT'S SICK! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY EGGS IT TAKES TO MAKE THAT POPCORN?" she yelled (although for some mysterious reason, Jack and Karen didn't hear) after seeing Jack putting literally tonnes of salt onto the popcorn, which Karen then finished in one extremely large gulp.

_A/N: I'm sorry to interrupt, but Popuri… there are no eggs in popcorn…_

_Popuri: "…Shut…the…fuck…UP!"_

Harris, regaining consciousness, spoke into a tape recorder. "Time: sometime on the last day of summer brackets summer thirtyith brackets. Date… same as time. The subjects appear to be using Sodium Chloride to… feed each other? Anyway, I hope that Karen cooks, because I really wanna see Jack throw up…HAHAHAHAHA!" at this, Harris stopped recording for about a second, went silent, then turned it back on again. "HAHAHAHAH!".

Unfortunately for Harris, Karen couldn't be fucked cooking anything (this is because I can't be fucked writing it of course, but shut up) and instead decided to leave. "Seeya Hon", she said, pashing him for about 40 seconds, then walking away. "Hmm… still no real evidence, but I don't know…the way she was kissing him…" Popuri muttered to herself.

"Hi, Harris, hi, Popuri!" said Karen and Jack, staring at the bush (did I forget to mention it consisted only of two leaves and a twig?) "Were you spying on us?" "Uhh…no…" said Popuri, who was, quite frankly, a shit liar. "Oh, good…" replied Jack, who was even crappier at math (he couldn't put 2 and 2 together).

Anyway, Jack, I'll see you on my birthday!" Karen said cheekily. She winked and walked away. _"Hmm.. Karen's birthday, hey? Maybe we better organize a surprise party"_ Popuri thought as a plan hatched in her head.

_A/N: Well… this was random…_

_Fank yas:_

_GeneralDragon: I hope you still exist, because these last chapters have coincidently answered your prayers!_

_JustWrite: I'm crude, I'm rude, and I can't think of a third thing that both fits the criteria and rhymes with crude! Thanks for reading!_

_Tikzch: Ah, my dear Tikzch. Always the fastest to review. Tanks, and although my stupid mofo of a school has started for the year again, I'll try fit an update in everyday! Oh yeah, btw, I finished that story I was talking about…_


	18. Chapter 18

**DAMN YOU ARROW COMPUTERS!**

_A/N: Damn you all to hell! Now the monitor broke. Great… ah well, enjoy!_

As Popuri and Harris walked back to the Mayor's residence, Harris wondered what Popuri was scheming evilly in her head.

"Hey Popuri, what are you scheming evilly in your head?"

Popuri looked at him blankly as one of those little dotted speech bubbles appeared above her head.

"You know… the "surprise" party… for Karen?"

"…Oh yeah! Yeah, I think she's going over to Jack's, so I was going to organize the whole town to come in and surprise them! You know, we can get balloons, streamers… and a giant birthday cake! Oh yeah, and heaps of wine…"

She said thoughtfully.

"So… that's it? No evil scheme? No plan on how to catch Jack and Karen together? Nothing!"

Harris was pretty disappointed.

"Oh yeah, that!... fuck it. I'm bored of that anyway…"

Harris was on the verge of tears. He finally, FINALLY had a case to work on, and it had already been taken away.

"So… what do I do now?"

He asked sadly.

"Well… now we wait".

_A/N: Yes, tis extremely short, but that's because I'm experimenting with a different layout (as you can see). Ok, for the next chapter, I had an idea. Because I know some of my writing is extremely hard to read because of all the brackets, I thought that I'd make two of the next chapter. One will include all of my little bracket things, and the other won't. Then you tell me which one you like best (seeing as this is mainly written f yor entertainment). OK, till next chapter…s! (which will probably be written today as well)_

_Thaaaaaaaaaaank Yooooooooooooooooouuuus:_


	19. Chapter 19

**PREPARATIONS 2**

_A/N: hey, cool, people actually still read this… (well, time to be brutally honest) fucking pile of shit! There is a reason I'm focusing on this story line and these characters (heh heh, soon to be revealed) but believe me, I've got a fucking twisted plot inside my head that will be coming out my warped brain soon! Oh yeah, this chapter's being released twice, remember? Now, on with the show!_

After waiting for about 12 days, Popuri got bored of standing in the entrance of the Mayor's house, and decided to go and prepare for the party that was to be had in 2 days.

_A/N: Yes, I've noticed no one cares that Kai is gone too…_

Popuri thought about where she would go to find balloons and streamers which would be held by all the townsfolk while they burst into Jack's house suddenly at 9 pm. Popuri remembered Suddenly that Carter had recently held a 30+ year old virgin party at the church, and that they had plenty of supplies left over.

As Popuri entered the church she saw Carter giving little May and Stu chocolate (she suddenly felt extremely envious of the little kids, and planned to egg their houses that night while they slept).

"Hey Carter!" she said happily, eyeing the children's chocolaty hands and faces evilly.

"Why Popuri! What a lovely surprise!" said Carter in his usual calm and friendly manner.

"I just came over to ask you a question", Popuri said happily.

"…Oh, I know what this is about" said Carter in the same manner as before. He turned to the two chocolate covered young children.

" Now little ones. Why don't you both go on outside and play a game of Hide and Go Fuck Yourself?" he said, tone still not getting even slightly angry.

"Yes Carter!" said the two children. They walked towards the door, arguing about who would be it this time around. As soon as the kids had exited through the large oak doors, Carter's face went serious and his tone changed to one of great annoyance.

"Look, I know who you are, and you mother fuckers will not get away with your lies. If I've told you once, I've told you a million times… I FELL! OK! I TRIPPED OVER CHEF AND JUST FELL IN AN INCONVENIENT SPOT THAT HAPPENED TO BE ON TIMID'S…" but Carter stopped at this point while seeing that Popuri was starting at him wide eyed and scared.

"Uh.. I just let out an embarrassing secret for no reason didn't I?" Carter asked. Popuri just nodded.

"I, erm, actually came hear to ask if you… had any party supplies left from your old people party…" Popuri said (now extremely convinced that this was one of the most fucked up towns ever invented).

"Oh, yes of course!" he said, back to calm old Carter.

"Cool…" said Popuri, taking the large amount of balloons and streamers he handed her.

"Umm… I'll go now…" she said, and quickly walked out of the church.

_A/N: Now read it again:P (the next chapter, dumb arse, is the same as this one with my extra A/Ns added)._


	20. Chapter 20

**PREPARATIONS 2**

_A/N: hey, cool, people actually still read this… (well, time to be brutally honest) fucking pile of shit! There is a reason I'm focusing on this story line and these characters (heh heh, soon to be revealed) but believe me, I've got a fucking twisted plot inside my head that will be coming out my warped brain soon! Oh yeah, this chapter's being released twice, remember? Now, on with the show!_

After waiting for about 12 days, Popuri got bored of standing in the entrance of the Mayor's house, and decided to go and prepare for the party that was to be had in 2 days.

_A/N: Yes, I've noticed no one cares that Kai is gone too…_

Popuri thought about where she would go to find balloons and streamers which would be held by all the townsfolk while they burst into Jack's (no, the Jack from this story, jack-t-man) house suddenly at 9 pm. Popuri remembered Suddenly that Carter had recently held a 30+ year old virgin party at the church, and that they had plenty of supplies left over (or at least she naturally assumed they had).

As Popuri entered the church she saw Carter giving little May and Stu chocolate (she suddenly felt extremely envious of the little kids, and planned to egg their houses that night while they slept).

"Hey Carter!" she said happily, eyeing the children's chocolaty hands and faces evilly.

"Why Popuri! What a lovely surprise!" said Carter in his usual calm and friendly manner.

"I just came over to ask you a question", Popuri said happily.

"…Oh, I know what this is about" said Carter in the same manner as before. He turned to the two chocolate covered young children.

" Now little ones. Why don't you both go on outside and play a game of Hide and Go Fuck Yourself?" he said, tone still not getting even slightly angry.

"Yes Carter!" said the two children. They walked towards the door, arguing about who would be it this time around. As soon as the kids had exited through the large oak doors, Carter's face went serious and his tone changed to one of great (gangsta style) annoyance.

"Look, I know who you are, and you mother fuckers will not get away with your lies. If I've told you once, I've told you a million times… I FELL! OK! I TRIPPED OVER CHEF AND JUST FELL IN AN INCONVENIENT SPOT THAT HAPPENED TO BE ON TIMID'S…" but Carter stopped at this point while seeing that Popuri was starting at him wide eyed and scared.

"Uh.. I just let out an embarrassing secret for no reason didn't I?" Carter asked. Popuri just nodded.

"I, erm, actually came hear to ask if you… had any party supplies left from your old people party…" Popuri said (now extremely convinced that this was one of the most fucked up towns ever invented).

"Oh, yes of course!" he said, back to calm old Carter.

"Cool…" said Popuri, taking the large amount of balloons (well… she hoped that was what they were) and streamers he handed her.

"Umm… I'll go now…" she said, and quickly walked out of the church.

_A/N: Soooooo… which did you prefer? Tell me in your review!_

_Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You…s:_

_Jack-t-man: Hello… DIDDILEE DEE POTATOES! (yes, a joke I have with my Irish friend). I won't hurt you! (gets out axe and starts sharpening and listening to "Beheaded" by the Offspring). Thanks heaps for reading! One day… I shall marry you!... ok, well, that's going a bit far, but, fuck it. I LOVE YOU! (well, that should scare any new readers off)._

_Tikzch: Yeah, short it was. Now to school I go (what the fuck? Am I turning into Yoda or something?)._

_Till next chapter, ahoy hoy!_

_KM _


	21. Chapter 21

**CELEBRATIONS GONE HORRIBLY FUNNY**

_A/N: Greetings. I am currently high on sugar, and so will probably be writing a few chapters consecutively (hopefully, not definitely). Ok, you guys said you like my little A/Ns, and quite frankly, I'm glad. I enjoy writing this, as it lets off some of the weird and apparently funny situations that float randomly around my brain. Oh yea, I've been thinking f this chapter in the EVIL holiday my old el-shitto computer decided to take (it ended up being a permanent holiday, but it was a bastard anyway). So, without further ado, enjoy!_

Time had decided it would skip a few days, meaning this particular day that Popuri woke up was Fall 15th, 3 am (she liked the "perky pills" that Rick made her take every morning).

She was quite excited, thinking of all the great things she had done to prepare the lovely party for Karen. She remembered the eye-opening experience with Carter, and the alcohol she'd "borrowed" while Duke was in a "happy" (cough, cough, drunk, cough, cough) mood.

Then she remembered the cake. She knew that Elli was by far the best baker she could talk to safely (Ann is a nice girl and all, but for some reason last time they'd talked she'd kept "accidentally" punching her in the face).

Elli seemed happy to help. In fact, when Popuri had told Elli it was a birthday cake for Karen, Elli had jumped for joy all around the place, happily punching walls and saying "that bitch will pay for stealing Jack, my one true love from me".

Popuri had become a little suspicious at that point of some kind of small quarry between Karen and her, but after that, Elli had put a lovely smile on her face (although Popuri was a dumb arse, and didn't realize that it was actually an evil grin), and said she would be happy to help. She asked Popuri to pick it up the next day, getting out a knife, a chopping board, and about 44076286 red grasses (what they were for, Popuri had no idea, but she thought it rude to ask).

_A/N: Ok, I got lazy here, so I'm skipping ahead to the best bit._

Jack opened the door at 6(pm, fuckwit) just before Karen knocked on the door (they had made some sort of telepathic link). "Hey, Sexy", Karen said mischievously. "Hey Karen", Jack returned. "Sooo… what do ya wanna do?" Jack asked. "I thought we could play Scrabble…" he added. They stood in the doorway for about 4 seconds. Then Karen grabbed Jack and started making out with him. "Something tells me this will be more fun than Scrabble" came Jack's muffled voice from inside Karen's mouth. Karen kicked the door shut behind them as they stumbled forward (for the record, she almost broke the island in half).

Popuri led everyone to Jack's front door. She had managed to gather the whole town for this event. Even Kai had apparated Harry Potter style to see Karen in what he hoped would be an extremely revealing party dress (little did he know…). The whole town gathered in front of Jack's door. "On the count of three", Popuri whispered.

Popuri held one finger up.

Up went the second one.

Number three jumped up.

Every single member of the town, including the Kappa, Goddess, Gourmet, Harvest Sprites, and even Murray (I had to get some sort of hobo in this story) jumped into Jack's house.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAREN!" and then there was complete silence.

Karen and Jack laid horrified in the bed. Everyone stared at them. Popuri started to realize remember all those tiny signs, and then, after not getting anywhere, said "Why are you two naked?" everyone's attention was now turned to Popuri.

"Wait a minute… OH MY GOD! JACK'S HAT IS OFF! THE FINAL AND BIGGEST CLUE HAS REVEALED THE TRUTH! JACK AND KAREN ARE A COUPLE!"

_A/N: Ok, so it wasn't that funny… was it? You decide!_

_Thank Fucking Yous:_

_DiscoLemonaid: Actually, it was a test, to see if my reviewers (meaning you guys) preferred my writing with or without my extra A/Ns. Read them both carefully… I'll have a look at your fanfics!_

_Jack-t-man: Yay, love!… wait a min… how old are you? I'm 13, so… you better not be some freaky 69506804 year old! Yes, although I love Harvest Moon, and play it more than any other game, I absolutely am IN love with Zelda! It's the BEST! I remember watching my brother play it when I was just 6 years old… good times, good times. Thanks a bunch for reviewing again! Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to reading your Zelda fic, it won't be shit (that's physically impossible :P)_

_Tikzch: Thanks, for once in my life I feel wanted! Yay… what? You're saying I'm not cool? Well I've got news for you, pal… MY MUM THINKS I'M COOL! Ha! Top that!_

_GeneralDragon: Thank you yet again for revi… hang on a second… party? PARTY! WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT INVITED! I'M GONNA SUE YOUR FUCKING ARSE OFF, BITCH! (I guess now you know why some of my reviewers never come back. If you couldn't tell, it was a joke. But, quite frankly, if you couldn't tell, you deserve to be offended…)_

_Well, thank you once again to all of you. Now, I'll see you fuckers (yet again, a joke, fuckwit) next chapter!_


	22. Chapter 22

**AWKWARD MOMENTS**

_A/N: Fuck sickness. I'm pretty pissed off right now because my mum MADE me stay home. Just because I've been coughing every few seconds… anyway. I've decided that I'll try to update once every two days, and hopefully both weekend days. Well… enjoy!_

"Popuri… didn't you already know?" Mary asked, confused on the dumness (yes, I misspelled it on purpose) of the pink haired girl.

"…What?" said Popuri, confused.

"Well, Popuri, it was a little obvious, wasn't it?" said Nappy, looking up at the girl (although little did Popuri know, he was actually looking up her skirt).

"I mean, come on", said Kai staring at her incredulously (I don't actually know what that means, but whatever).

"They were making out on the fucking beach!" exclaimed Ellen (strangely enough, no one seemed to notice the fact that Ellen had just swore, or even weirder, she wasn't actually at the beach for the fireworks festival...).

"And are you completely oblivious to the fact that they're fucking at this very moment?" added May.

"Geez, couldn't you tell?" Harris asked.

"Hey, wait a minute…if you knew, then why the hell didn't you just tell me instead of going through that whole spying on them thing?

"Try naming one case I've had in this town" said Harris. Every single person in the room had a blank face.

"Point proved," said Popuri, "but what about everyone else? Why was no one else talking about it?" she said, pretty pissed off.

"We were" said Manna, "but you're so fucking dumb you probably didn't even notice. God, the youth of today, you're so ignorant. I wish you would just listen, you all suck! Seriously, fuck you all…" it went on like this for about 76545 hours (literally…). Gray looked around the room desperately, trying to find something to shut her up. Then he noticed…

"Hey, where are Karen and Jack?" everyone turned their attention to the bed.

"God, there you go again, interrupting me…" luckily, Mary punched Manna in the face.

It looks like they escaped while Manna was talking…" said Elli.

"Lucky", mumbled Gray darkly.

"Hey… is that a letter?" Ann pointed to something that looked like 5789679376937 pieces of paper with writing on it (well, if I'd said that Ann pointed to a letter that looked like a letter, it would have made even less sense...). Manna, while slowly rising to her feet, wondered if maybe she did talk too much. I mean, if they'd written a 5789679376937 page note while she was talking… nah. Karen must just be a fast writer.

_A/N: Hello again. I'm so fucking excited! In a few days, I'm FINALLY getting AWL in the mail…_

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_MichelletheBabe: Hi! Thanks for reviewing! It's always good to have new reviewers… and in answer to your question, yes, I do actually live in Australia (although I say it so much, it would probably be hard to tell if I was kidding or not :P) oh yeah, and your HM story doesn't seem M rated… yet…but it's good! Oh yeah, and sorry about making chapters so short… as you can tell, on holidays I have more time ( I have no friends… well, ok, maybe 30, but that's still a loner). I'll try and make them a little longer though._

_Tikzch: Of course I'm cooler than you, duh. Do YOU still have your (hundreds of) soft toys? I think not! (lol) Yes, Popuri is a fucking idiot… kinda reminds you of me ;)_

_GeneralDragon: I like the A/Ns too, I'mglad other people do. They just let me vent my fucked up randomness that little bit more…LMAO! I love surprising people! Didn't you swear the much when you were 13? Like everyone does where I live. Wait a minute… how old are you then?_

_Jack-t-man: Hey, your story's random. Wit a minute… YOU'RE COPYING OFF ME! YOU'RE A FUCKING CHEAT!… (I'm gonna calm down now, realizing I probably can't afford to lose ANOTHER reviewer…) I like it, it be funny. _

_See you all in the burning fucking epitemy of the hell that doesn't exist,_

_KM_


	23. Chapter 23

**THE SHITTIEST WEEK THAT YOU COULD BELIEVE… WELL, ALMOST... AND GOODBYE...**

_A/N: Hmmm… maybe I should start making my titles more to do with the actual story… well anyway, there are only a few words that could be used to describe my week. Here's one of them. Shit. It sucked. I was sick off school till Friday (with one of my friends bitching the whole time behind my back that I was faking it… well, she's a pretty shit friend anyway). And the day I came back, we had an English assignment due, a math test (which I probably got like a level 3 on) science stuff due, a swimming assessment (although that was easy) and I also found out we have to do an in class essay on Australian Icons for S&E. Not to mention that music stuff we have to do…The reason I haven't written anything on the weekend is… I've…kinda replaced you all with a machine… but AWL is so good! I got it on Thursday, and until today, have been literally using all my spare time on it (I've played it for 30+ hours now). Well, without further ado…_

"_Dear people of Mineral Town_" Ann read.

"





"…What the hell was all of that?" Gray asked.

"I dunno…" said Elli, wondering if the new couple had lost sanity from Manna's ebil (with a b) lecture.

"Oh, I get that!" chirped Popuri.

"Look, it's written in MS Outlook" she said. She brought out an extremely high-tech laptop and scanned the not onto it. The new note read as:

"_We have decided we would rather go live somewhere else than listen to Manna's ridiculously long lectures on the youth of today while we write this note on the computer we bought about 6 hours into it naked, after just being sprung by the whole town. We have decided to go live with my stinky hobo friend Murray in a place we'd rather not say the name of in fear of being followed. Please do not look in the second drawer of the bedside table where there is a piece of paper stating the exact location of us is. If you do, I'll be slightly upset. You've been warned._

_Sincerely,_

_Karen and Jack."_

Everyone stared at the pink haired dumb arse in disbelief.

"Popuri… how the fuck did you know all that?" Zack finally asked.

"Oh, that's one of the easiest to remember computer texts used", she said simply.

"B-b-but… you're supposed to be dumb!" exclaimed Cliff. Ann looked over at him funnily.

Popuri stared blankly at him for a moment.

"… I like chickens" she finally said. After staring blankly at her for a moment, Ann started thinking.

"Hmm... that name, Murray? It sounds very familiar…" she said, one eye squinted in concentration.

"Wait a minute… that's it! Karen once told me about him! She once gave him 100G to get back to Po Po valley… although she said he never went, but that the lazy bastard stayed in Forget-Me-Not Valley… that's it! They've gone to Forget-Me-Not Valley!" she exclaimed.

"Ok everyone! Let's go to Forget-Me-Not Valley!" Thomas exclaimed. Everyone just stared at him.

"Umm, Mr. Mayor? Why would we bother going all the fucking way to Forget-Me-Not Valley just to find Karen and Jack, who are probably happier staying there anyway?" May asked.

"Well, tell me, anyone, do you have anything better to do?" complete silence filled the room. Rick opened his mouth to talk, but then closed it. Zack scratched his head, Basil scratched his arse, and everything was silent.

"I thought not" said the human tomato triumphantly.

"To the valley of the freaks it is" aid Kappa, as he opened the door.

_Ok, well, that was weird._



_GAFFer: Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I didn't know you could report on this site… well good on you, I probably deserve it! Thanks for reviewing!_

_jack-t-man: Your welcome. Thanks for the review!_

_GeneralDragon: You serious? Wow. You is OLD! Thanks again._

_Abby Mayhem: Are you serious? I don't know why people like this, it's really bad. I mean, come on, it has no real plot, corny jokes, too much cussing, it's stupid! Actually, I was thinking of quitting writing. Should I? Thanks for reviewing!_

_See ya all later… no, I won't. I don't know why, but I've decided I'll probably delete this story and quit this site. Do not ask me why, because I honestly don't know. I'll leave it up for another week._

_Bye… for forever probably. Hmfarm. If you don't know what that means, find out. Goodbye! (tries to fade away like Cartman does in SP)._


	24. Chapter 24

**DISCONTINUED… FOR NOW**

_A/N: Hi guys. I tried. I really tried, but… I just couldn't quit. The fact is, I can be a very impulsive person, and, because… well, don't ask me why, I decided to quit writing this story. Then I decided that I should quit the site. And I couldn't for even one day. I kept reading stories and would've definitely put this up ages ago, if it weren't for my bloody bastard fucks of teachers giving me homework right next to the holidays (1 term). Although I have discontinued this story, I have decided to write one that involves high school. It's a comedy (what did you expect?) and possibly a parody, also crossed with romance (you know me). Thank you and goodbye. Well, not really, but shut up._

_I just want to add one ting that's been bugging me for like 2 weeks. GAFFer, why did you read a story rated T if you wanted it to be cute? You should try only reading the K rated fics if that's how you feel. Now, I have a new story to start!_


End file.
